Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
