Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
