You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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