Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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