i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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