Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
