Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
