I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
