I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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