why do cheetos always look like penises
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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