its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Randomize
