I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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