I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize