she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
