i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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