the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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