if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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