I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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