I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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