Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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