hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
