Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
