how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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