Sponge bath it is.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
