he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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