Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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