She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
