Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize