Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
