My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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