I just made out with a guy for $7.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
