It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
