I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I did not marry a roomba.
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