easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
