i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
