Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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