All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
