Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
