I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
