Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
