He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
MIDGETS
????
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize