My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
