So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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