If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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