I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
