I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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