Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She said her name was "party"
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
