just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is Oprah even human
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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