The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
