I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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