i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
