Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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