please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
