I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
