She is in my trunk
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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