Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
