Where are you?
In a non slutty way
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
