We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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