she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
