I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
