I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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