when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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