we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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