She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
