I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
there is puke in my bra ... again
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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