I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
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