u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just puked most of my soul out..
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