I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
