he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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