I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize