So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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